8 years ago, I lost a great person. But he is with me every day.
8 years ago, I felt such pain at losing this person, this constant pain in my ass. I don't know that anyone knew how much I loved this kid, myself included.
I remember the first time I saw him. I was waiting for the bus to NYSP (sports camp, a place I really did not belong lol) and this idiot pops his head out the front door SCREAMING about running late. From that moment, he annoyed the crap out of me. I know that I didn't really interact with him much during camp (they split the sexes up), but I vaguely recall a dance where we circled each other.
Flash forward a year, and we moved into the apartment next to him. We shared a wall for about 4 (I think?) years. During that time, we became almost like siblings... i.e. we made each other's lives hell lol. We'd fight constantly, I caught him stealing his mom's truck, we'd bang on the walls at each other, and play music to annoy the other. But, there were times, so few, that we would sit on the porch and just chill.
I remember that one of my friends had a crush on him, and did... questionable things. Then, when she asked me why he blew her off, I said he's a damn asshole. (Reality, we were freaking 16. He's a teen boy, of course he wasn't interested) I learned way too much about him that day, and it took a while to look at him the same.
Over the years, we both moved and grew. Somehow we reconnected as friends. We never hung out, but did talk a lot, or at least I felt we did considering how we started out. He went down quite a few wrong paths, and struggled to pull himself out. He had just gotten out of jail (in there to get clean I believe) and he messaged me. We were trying to find a time to meet up, and I missed the last message... The next day he was in a medically induced coma with swelling on the brain. From what I gather, he went out with some "friends" to a bad place to do bad things, and got jumped. They left him for dead, and a few days later, he was.
While he was in the coma, I saw him EVERYWHERE. I could hear him talking to me. I wish I had gone to see him, I told myself I could tomorrow.... tomorrow never came for him. I heard him scream my name in my head, and knew he was gone before I even checked Facebook.
Now, the aftermath... I stopped seeing him everywhere, but I could FEEL him. And, to this day, I still do. Not always, but if I call out, I feel this heavy pressure on my shoulders, and there he is.
During the funeral, twice, he spoke. Once through someone to me, and once through me to his mother. After everything was said and done, I went to his grave, and said goodbye. Or so I thought.
I was determined to ignore all the signs, until my daughter started screaming from her room a few days later. Lights flickering, stuff falling, the works. I calmed her down, acknowledged my friend's existence, and it all stopped. We have been connected since his death. Sometimes he is other places, but he always comes back.
My daughter has seen him quite a few times, even though she had never met him. Usually when she is about to do something dangerous. Also, when in her mind house (see previous entry) he is there to help her. He is truly her guardian angel. Also, weird fact, her grandfather is buried about 5 yards from him. Anytime we visit that grave, she is pulled to my friend's.
I'm sure there are plenty of people that will tell me that this is all a coping mechanism, or just coincidence. Even if it is, I embrace it, as this is all I have left of him. I do not regret where my life is, but the "could have beens" would be so much worse if not for this small peace of comfort.
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