Chasing Chase

Every year around this time, I start thinking about the past and all the little things that led me to where I am today. One of those things is Chase.

Chase was born shortly after midnight on January 1st, 2009. Even though I wasn't there for it, I stayed awake and knew as soon as he was born. It's sad that I remember this, since I only met him once when he was a few months old.

So why do I remember his birth? It's because his birthday was at a pivotal moment in my life. A few weeks before, I had told my husband I wanted a divorce. I had my "dream job" (or at least the job I had been training for my whole life). I was asserting some form of independence for the first time in my adult life. Sad since I was 23.

I feel like everything after Chase's birthdate was a new life for me. Since then, I got into a motorcycle accident, been in numerous relationships, had a few jobs, went to college, had a baby, met new people, and lost a few people, too.

I look back on this time and realize how much my life has changed. I look different, think different, act different. And since I am a nostalgic person, I look back and miss all the incarnations of myself. I also miss the person I thought I would become. I thought I would be married once, never divorced, have 3 kids, live in a nice house in the country, be a hip stay at home mom, and maybe have an animal rescue. Wow, dream big, right? Reality: I am divorced, engaged, mother of 2, live in an apartment in a not-so-nice town, and even though I am a stay at home mom, I am far from hip. (To be fair, I definitely had a hip phase, but it's way too much work right now.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I wouldn't trade the experiences I have had for anything. It all led me to this point, where I have an amazing family and I've grown into myself as a pretty cool person. (Trust me, I'm awesome.) But, every year, I will most likely think of my past, and the moment I started chasing Chase.

Life Is Short

 

 

I have all the time in the world... yet I don't.

 

 

Confused? I'll explain.

I am a stay at home mom. My days are filled with diapers, feedings, and cleaning. While it is a lot of work, it also leaves me with tons of free time.

However, as morbid as it sounds, we all have a shelf life. Eventually, we all go into that good night, whether it be gently or raving like a lunatic. (If you don't understand the reference, the poem is included at the end of this post.) And when you have so much time on your hands, you sometimes think about the end of it all.

I watch a decent amount of television. While most of it is children's shows, sometimes I get into a show or movie that makes me ponder the unknown. Today was a mixture of the movie Interstellar and the old show Beverly Hills 90210. Weird combo, right? Interstellar is a movie about the possible extinction of the human race (definitely worth a watch if you haven't seen it, BTW), so it's obvious why I think about the end of time after viewing. 90210 seems random, but I have reached the college years, where there is death, drugs, AIDS, and all sorts of other heavy stuff.

When you think of mortality, especially your own, you look back on your life and tend to dwell on mistakes and things you HAVE NOT DONE. That is a normal process. I think about all the horrible things I have done, even though I try so hard to be a good person. I think about how things would be different if I had made even one choice instead of another.

This is crap, and torture. You can't change the past, only the future. What's more, life is too short to beat yourself up about your regrets. You learn from the past, you don't let it root you.

Life is too short to do any of the following: let someone else control you, dwell so much about the "what ifs" that you become frozen, get stuck in a job you hate, or not follow your passions. Life is too short to stop learning. I'll reiterate this point: NEVER stop learning. Life is too short to not believe in yourself, or to let others bring you down.

One fact that reminds me that life is short: I graduated high school in 2005. Within that small window of time, my daughter turned 10. I got married and divorced. I had another baby. And at least 5 people from my class are dead. In 2009, I was in a motorcycle accident; luckily I was not hurt. Two days later, my friend died in a motorcycle accident on the same road I was on. Two people died due to violent attacks, two from illness.

You don't know what's going to happen from one moment to the next. Try to spend your life living in the moment as much as you can.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieve it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Giveaway!! Purxury Hydrating Serum and Cleanser

Giveaway is live! Enter using the widget below!!!

Purxury Hydrating Serum and Cleanser

Hosted by:

Giveaway Dates-12/16-12/30

One winner ARV $59.99

Check Out My Review HERE

Entry-Form