I cannot hate my body anymore.
I have been looking at myself, and telling myself I need to get back to who I used to be, but that isn't me anymore. I can't fit Junior sizes anymore. My body looks better in vintage one pieces than bikinis. I have rolls that show through my clothes.
I need to embrace them, and stop wishing they would go away.
I am told I am sexy, and beautiful, and perfect.... but I find it so hard to believe it. Because I am holding on to that thin body, that worked out every day, and only had one kid, and bounced back immediately. That body ate barely anything, drank protein shakes and ate mainly veggies. That body is gone.
I have learned to enjoy food, and relax, but the whole time I have been critical of how I was changing physically. Guess what? Changes happen. Now is my journey to find happiness in the vessel I was given, and be proud of all it has done.
I will no longer avoid the mirror. I will look lovingly at my curves. I will remind myself that I am healthy. I will be active, but I won't hold myself to an impossible goal.
I will allow my body to have peace.
Thursday, April 30, 2020
Saturday, February 29, 2020
Letter to my past self
Written for 18 year old me.
Dear Patricia Marie,
Hello. You don't know me yet, but I know you very well. I have never been good at writing letters, but I feel like you need to know some things, so here goes.
YOU ARE AN AMAZING HUMAN.
You have always been confident in who you are, true to your beliefs, smart, and strong. Somewhere along the way, you lose that, and I wish you hadn't, because I fight every day to get it back.
You are about to go on a terrifying adventure, but you are going to be great at it. You will make some mistakes along the way, but you learn from them... eventually.
Some advice for you, that you won't listen to: don't let people push you around. Stand your ground and trust your gut. Don't sneak around and lie; it becomes your way of life and you don't want to be that person, trust me. Don't stay in relationships that break you. Work harder to keep the good ones, and not so hard to keep the bad.
You are going to be like your mother sometimes. Get over it. In your desire to be complete opposites, you actually hurt yourself, and let other people hurt you, and that isn't okay. NO ONE has the right to hurt you.
Do not drop out of college. It is a huge regret, and I understand why you do it, but giving up makes life so much harder later on.
Be unequivocally you. People will try to change you, and extinguish the inferno inside of you... tell them to shove it. You are awesome, and you make some great friends because of it. Don't let them go because of someone else. Again, trust your gut.
Don't listen to people who tell you that you can't do something. You can do ANYTHING.
I don't want to ruin the surprises coming in the future, but know, you are blessed, and loved, and perfect exactly how you are. Don't listen to people that say you aren't; they are liars and in reality, they are the ones that are disliked and they want to drag you down.
Most of all, I love you. I will always love you, and when I think of who you are, I want to be more like you.
Have fun in your life.
Love always,
Yourself
Dear Patricia Marie,
Hello. You don't know me yet, but I know you very well. I have never been good at writing letters, but I feel like you need to know some things, so here goes.
YOU ARE AN AMAZING HUMAN.
You have always been confident in who you are, true to your beliefs, smart, and strong. Somewhere along the way, you lose that, and I wish you hadn't, because I fight every day to get it back.
You are about to go on a terrifying adventure, but you are going to be great at it. You will make some mistakes along the way, but you learn from them... eventually.
Some advice for you, that you won't listen to: don't let people push you around. Stand your ground and trust your gut. Don't sneak around and lie; it becomes your way of life and you don't want to be that person, trust me. Don't stay in relationships that break you. Work harder to keep the good ones, and not so hard to keep the bad.
You are going to be like your mother sometimes. Get over it. In your desire to be complete opposites, you actually hurt yourself, and let other people hurt you, and that isn't okay. NO ONE has the right to hurt you.
Do not drop out of college. It is a huge regret, and I understand why you do it, but giving up makes life so much harder later on.
Be unequivocally you. People will try to change you, and extinguish the inferno inside of you... tell them to shove it. You are awesome, and you make some great friends because of it. Don't let them go because of someone else. Again, trust your gut.
Don't listen to people who tell you that you can't do something. You can do ANYTHING.
I don't want to ruin the surprises coming in the future, but know, you are blessed, and loved, and perfect exactly how you are. Don't listen to people that say you aren't; they are liars and in reality, they are the ones that are disliked and they want to drag you down.
Most of all, I love you. I will always love you, and when I think of who you are, I want to be more like you.
Have fun in your life.
Love always,
Yourself
Monday, February 3, 2020
101 In 1001 Challenge!!
Take Two...
I posted years ago that I wanted to do this challenge, and then, in true Trish fashion, procrastinated it into oblivion. This time, I already have my list prepared.
For those who don't know, the 101 in 1001 challenge is like a bucket list, with a specific deadline and amount of goals. Let me tell you, listing 101 different things to accomplish is not an easy task. I managed to get about 25, and then looked at other people's lists for inspiration. I was able to get the entire thing written out in a few hours. For accountability I am posting it here, and will update each time one is completed.
I posted years ago that I wanted to do this challenge, and then, in true Trish fashion, procrastinated it into oblivion. This time, I already have my list prepared.
For those who don't know, the 101 in 1001 challenge is like a bucket list, with a specific deadline and amount of goals. Let me tell you, listing 101 different things to accomplish is not an easy task. I managed to get about 25, and then looked at other people's lists for inspiration. I was able to get the entire thing written out in a few hours. For accountability I am posting it here, and will update each time one is completed.
101 In 1001 Challenge
Start Date: February 1st, 2020
End Date: October 29th, 2022
1. Learn Greek. (Edit: learn a second language... I am taking ASL)
2. Go to Disney World.
3. Get another tattoo.
4.Answer the "50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind".--Done 2/5/2021: Blog Here
5. Don't complain about anything for a week.
6. Leave an inspirational note in a library book.
7. Start college.
8. Get a promotion.--Sort of done? Started a new job with better hours, pay, and responsibilities December 2020.
9. Watch 26 movies I've never seen starting with each letter of the alphabet.
10. Read a new book each month.
11. Complete the 365 day photo challenge.
12. Get a passport.
13. Complete the $5 challenge.
14. Dance in an elevator.
15. Buy a car.--Done January 2021: bought a 2019 Mitsubishi Eclipse Cross, in my name, with no cosigner!!!
16. Say yes to everything for a day.
17. Learn a new skill.
18. Plant a tree.
19. Learn to knit.
20. Visit an art museum.
21. Make a different international dish every night for a week.
22. [Private family matter]--Done February 2020
23. Do an ancestry test.--Done- Results here!
24. Raise credit score to 580.--Done 5/2021, new goal: to 650!
25. Make one vegetarian meal a week for 3 months.
26. Reach my goal weight (130).
27. Write at least one short story.
28. Do the 100 Happy Days challenge.
29. Go on a photo walk.
30. Go to an acupuncturist.
31. Have an "alone" day with each girl every other month.
32. Pay off my student loans.
33. Eat at the Melting Pot.
34. Take the girls ice skating.
35. Go to a convention.
36. Wear a pearl necklace unironically.
37. Pay it forward at least once.
38. Learn to navigate with a compass.
39. Donate $50 to a charity.--Starting 2/2021, I am donating $10 a month to Children's Miracle Network, for Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, until the end of the year or longer.
40. Donate blood.
41. Leave 100% tip for good service.
42. Visit a secondhand bookstore.
43. Go 30 days without sugar.
44. Be an optimist for a week.
45. Ride a horse.
46. Go to a 4-H fair.
47. Do 5 escape rooms.
48. Learn to shoot/ do archery.
49. Send a care package.
50. Invest in new bedding.
51. Learn how to tie a tie.
52. Do a weeklong social media detox.
53. Have a no-buy month.
54. Have a sponsored blog post/ YouTube video.
55. Style my hair in a new way.--Done March 2020, shaved my head/ styled into a mohawk!
56. Get professional photos done.
57. Make homemade jam.
58. Make something fermented.
59. Learn to make soup.
60. Have real ramen.
61. Go ziplining.
62. Do 10 random acts of kindness in one day.
63. Clear out my email.
64. Go mini golfing.
65. Do the historical walking tour of Philly.
66. Master making crepes.
67. Have a spa day.
68. Go to 3 Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives restaurants.
69. Write a time capsule letter to open at 40 years old.--done 2/26/2020
69. Write a time capsule letter to open at 40 years old.--done 2/26/2020
70. Make baby books for both girls.
71. Print all family photos and put into albums.
72. Go to Luzerne area for a family visit.
73. Own the entire run of Warehouse 13 on DVD.
74. Master chocolate chip cookies.
75. Host a cookie swap.
76. Visit a botanical garden.
77. Make homemade pasta.
78. Stand in two states at once.
79. Go fishing.
80. Take a skill-building class.
81. Create a logo for my blog.
82. Visit three new states.
83. Do a Zumba class.
84. Successfully make a souffle.
85. Send a secret to PostSecrets.
86. Go cliff diving.
87. Play every board game I own in one week.
88. Do a random activity at the beach.
89. Keep a thankfulness journal for one month.
90. Buy a lemon tree.
91. Complete every song in a Just Dance game.
92. Learn a professional dance style.
93. Eat an exotic food.
94. Hold a plank for three minutes.
95. Break a world record.
96. Buy all food for one week at a farmers market.
97. Consistently keep a food journal for a month.
98. Visit five places from "Weird NJ".
99. Celebrate a unique, non-traditional holiday each month.
100. Reach 100 followers on Bloglovin.--Done, as of 6/9/2021, I have 115!
101. Inspire at least one person to create their own list!
Tuesday, January 28, 2020
Tasty Tuesday: Depression Cake
This cake is anything but depressing!
I don't remember how I came across this recipe, but it made it into my notebook and might be my favorite cake.
The recipe came from the Great Depression, hence the name. If you are familiar with the time period, you know that ingredients were hard to come by, and money was extremely tight/nonexistent. So, people had to make do with what they had. I am glad this recipe still exists, because it is fantastic.
I do not like super chocolatey flavored food. Chocolate in itself is something I can live without. However, this cake is simple and not overpowering. You can dress it up however you want, just like my brownies; however, I prefer this with just a dusting of powdered sugar.
Chocolate Depression Cake
-1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
-1 cup sugar
-1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
-1/2 tsp salt
-1 tsp baking soda
-1 tsp vanilla extract
-1 tsp white vinegar
-1/3 cup vegetable oil
-1 cup water
1. Combine flour, sugar, cocoa powder, salt, and baking soda in a large mixing bowl.
2. In a separate bowl, combine vanilla extract, vinegar, oil, and water. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients; mix until combined and no lumps remain.
3. Pour batter into greased 8x8 pan.
4. Bake in preheated 350 degree oven for 30-35 minutes, until an inserted toothpick comes out clean.
5. Let cake cool completely before decorating and cutting.
I don't remember how I came across this recipe, but it made it into my notebook and might be my favorite cake.
The recipe came from the Great Depression, hence the name. If you are familiar with the time period, you know that ingredients were hard to come by, and money was extremely tight/nonexistent. So, people had to make do with what they had. I am glad this recipe still exists, because it is fantastic.
I do not like super chocolatey flavored food. Chocolate in itself is something I can live without. However, this cake is simple and not overpowering. You can dress it up however you want, just like my brownies; however, I prefer this with just a dusting of powdered sugar.
Chocolate Depression Cake
-1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
-1 cup sugar
-1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
-1/2 tsp salt
-1 tsp baking soda
-1 tsp vanilla extract
-1 tsp white vinegar
-1/3 cup vegetable oil
-1 cup water
1. Combine flour, sugar, cocoa powder, salt, and baking soda in a large mixing bowl.
2. In a separate bowl, combine vanilla extract, vinegar, oil, and water. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients; mix until combined and no lumps remain.
3. Pour batter into greased 8x8 pan.
4. Bake in preheated 350 degree oven for 30-35 minutes, until an inserted toothpick comes out clean.
5. Let cake cool completely before decorating and cutting.
Tuesday, January 21, 2020
Tasty Tuesday: Basic Brownies
Warning: The next two Tasty Tuesdays focus on chocolate desserts, so if you don't like them... read it anyway lol.
Today's recipe is easy to make, easy to customize, and way too easy to eat. At one point I was making these brownies twice a week because they were requested so much. They have a nice rich flavor without being too heavy. You can add anything you can think of (I've done Andes mint pieces, walnuts, chocolate chips, peanut butter). Don't be afraid to experiment!
Without further ado, here is my favorite brownie recipe.
Basic Brownies
-1/2 cup vegetable oil or melted butter (butter gives a richer flavor)
-1 cup white sugar
-1 tsp vanilla extract
-2 large eggs
-1/2 cup all-purpose flour
-1/3 cup cocoa powder
-1/4 tsp baking powder
-1/4 tsp kosher salt
-1/2 mix-ins, if desired
1. Preheat over to 350 degrees. Grease a 9x9 inch baking pan.
2. In a medium bowl, mix together oil, vanilla, and sugar. Beat in eggs.
3. Combine flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, and salt (I usually sift everything into a bowl); gradually stir into egg mixture until blended. Stir in extras, if desired. Spread batter evenly into the prepared pan.
4. Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until brownies begin to pull away from the edges of the pan. Let cool on wire rack before cutting into squares. (I will note, I do not have a wire rack, cooling it in the pan worked just as well.)
Tuesday, January 14, 2020
Tasty Tuesday: Garlic Dipping Sauce
Have you ever ordered pizza and gotten a side of garlic sauce? Of course you have, and you have probably wanted to drink it because OMG it's sooooo good. (Don't do that) And then, maybe next time you ask for extra. Don't do that, either!!! Why, though?
Because it is super easy and cheap to make. Most likely you have the ingredients already, so why bother shelling out money for a packaged product, when you can have it fresh? I prefer to make things whenever I can, so I know exactly what is going in my family's bodies.
WARNING
This is not a diet-friendly recipe!!!! However, if you are eating the ones that come with pizza, this is a better option.
Garlic Pizza Dipping Sauce
-1/8-1/4 cup butter or margarine
-1/2 tbsp garlic powder
-1/4 tsp salt
Melt butter in microwave, about 30 seconds. Add salt and garlic powder to taste. Microwave about 5 seconds longer. Done!
Because it is super easy and cheap to make. Most likely you have the ingredients already, so why bother shelling out money for a packaged product, when you can have it fresh? I prefer to make things whenever I can, so I know exactly what is going in my family's bodies.
WARNING
This is not a diet-friendly recipe!!!! However, if you are eating the ones that come with pizza, this is a better option.
Garlic Pizza Dipping Sauce
-1/8-1/4 cup butter or margarine
-1/2 tbsp garlic powder
-1/4 tsp salt
Melt butter in microwave, about 30 seconds. Add salt and garlic powder to taste. Microwave about 5 seconds longer. Done!
Sunday, January 5, 2020
He's Gone...
Fifteen years ago, my cousin was murdered.
One of her killers committed suicide before trial. Now, the other one was found dead in prison. Her family now has closure...
Except me.
Everyone is relieved and glad he's gone. And maybe it is because I am more removed from the situation, but I don't feel that way. All I feel is everything I felt that first night that she was gone. I feel those powerful emotions that came when I read her obituary, and followed the newspaper reports of the court proceedings.
I feel that loss all over again.
Everyone keeps telling me I should be happy that there is finally justice. But, I didn't think of him, didn't care about him. The moment he went to prison, he was a distant memory, except to be glad he had to live with what he did.
Thinking about him doesn't bring Carrie back. For that, I sing. I look at pictures and videos of my beautiful angel, my big sister. And I relive all of our memories, because we had a ton. But, when I heard the news, that sorrow returned in full force, and I was faced with memories of loss, and the life she would never get to live, and how lonely it is without her.
Since the day I found out, my heart breaks over and over again every time I wake up. I wasn't healed before, but now yet again I am shattered. My best friend has been stolen yet again, because now all I see is his face.
I just wanted to share my thoughts, because I feel like no one understands my reaction. If you read this, thank you for dealing with my grief.
One of her killers committed suicide before trial. Now, the other one was found dead in prison. Her family now has closure...
Except me.
Everyone is relieved and glad he's gone. And maybe it is because I am more removed from the situation, but I don't feel that way. All I feel is everything I felt that first night that she was gone. I feel those powerful emotions that came when I read her obituary, and followed the newspaper reports of the court proceedings.
I feel that loss all over again.
Everyone keeps telling me I should be happy that there is finally justice. But, I didn't think of him, didn't care about him. The moment he went to prison, he was a distant memory, except to be glad he had to live with what he did.
Thinking about him doesn't bring Carrie back. For that, I sing. I look at pictures and videos of my beautiful angel, my big sister. And I relive all of our memories, because we had a ton. But, when I heard the news, that sorrow returned in full force, and I was faced with memories of loss, and the life she would never get to live, and how lonely it is without her.
Since the day I found out, my heart breaks over and over again every time I wake up. I wasn't healed before, but now yet again I am shattered. My best friend has been stolen yet again, because now all I see is his face.
I just wanted to share my thoughts, because I feel like no one understands my reaction. If you read this, thank you for dealing with my grief.
Wednesday, January 1, 2020
Happy New Year!!!
2020 is here, people!!!!
Obviously I am overexcited for this year. People closest to me know that last year was not my best, so I'm going to be working really hard to make sure the upcoming year is amazing, for myself and my family.
Some things I am looking forward to this year:
- getting to my goal weight
- building up my savings account
- going back to school for Psychology
- Disney trip
- consistently posting on blog and both YouTube channels
There is so much more, but those are the ones I am comfortable sharing ahead of time. Today starts my consistent posting on the blog, Youtube is going to take a little longer. Next week will continue the Tasty Tuesday and Worth It Wednesday series, with some amazing products and recipes for you to check out!
I hope you all have a great day, and Happy 2020 to you!!
**OHHHHH, I saw a tip for this year I want to share with everyone: put the full year on any paperwork that requires a date. If you put it as 1/1/20, there is potential for an unsavory person to forge the date to make the document invalid. But, if it is written as 1/1/2020, there is no space to fill an invalid year.**
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)