I love Harley.

Oops. I logged on only to notice it's been over 5 months since I posted! Geez. Time flies.

So today I decided that once a week, even if I have nothing to say, I will post something. ANYTHING.

Today's post is about my favorite comic book character, and my cosplay that eventually will be complete: Harley Quinn. I must say, as much as I loved the Suicide Squad version (probably because she spoke to my inner psycho), I love the video game version the best.

(I know, terrible image quality)

 

 

 



This is what I am basing my cosplay on, with a few changes. Black and red split jeans, a corset with red and black skulls, and black motorcycle boots. Also My hair will be half black, half red, no blonde. I doubt I'll do a painted face, maybe heavy eyeliner and smeared lips.

The plan this year was to be Batman villians as a family costume, but we are just doing the kids since we want to save money. However, NO JOKER. Don't get me wrong, he is in my mind the greatest Batman villain, but I don't like the idea of having that turn into a couples costume. They are a horrible couple. If you think they are great, you need to do your research, and I am refraining from badmouthing you right now, LOL. So, Lance decided to be Bane. Honestly, it fits his body type better anyway. Maybe next year we will actually be able to do it.

We went to Spirit Halloween to find stuff for Emily's costume (Poison Ivy, which is harder than I thought for a teen, unless you don't mind sexualizing... I do.) As we were walking out, we scored something awesome! My best friend introduced us to silicone ice molds (I had the sphere ones before, but these are so cool, pun somewhat intended.)

 

 

I also want to state that I didn't jump on the bandwagon after Suicide Squad. I wanted to be Harley a long time ago, but was really unhappy with the outfit choices (the full comic outfit shown in the above picture, or a harlequin outfit, which my friend wore and told me she was Harley and I wanted to smack her.) Now I have the opportunity to build my own the way I want, and I'm really excited. I saw my friend evolve into Wonder Woman, and then Catwoman, and it's amazing.

 

Ok, that's it for now! If you are friends with me on Facebook, keep an eye out for the girls' finished costumes. Also, when I finally get mine done I will definitely post an update on here! Have a wonderful week!

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Hopefully, this will be uplifting and not depressing. Here goes!

I am clinically depressed. I know this. I go through periods when I think I'm not because I feel better, but the downward spiral always comes. I am not on medication, but I have been before and eventually may have to try them again.

My journey was long and hard to get where I am today, and it is definitely not over. I have faced abandonment and abuse over the years, from various people. I find it hard to trust; adversely, I choose to trust everyone until they hurt me. Maybe not the best decision, but it is what fits my personality. I love everyone equally until they either screw me over or make me love them more. I choose to see the good in people... the only exception is myself.

Most days, I see myself through dark eyes. I feel ugly, and stupid, and generally not good enough. In my mind, it's like the battle of good and evil. I know none of these things are really true, but the devil inside screams really loud sometimes.

It is 1000% okay to feel this way. I want everyone to know this, and see it as fact. 

YOU AREN'T DAMAGED. 

I choose to look at it (when I'm actually ok) as me having a little extra crazy. I don't view craziness as a bad thing, because honestly, who wants to be normal? It's boring. 

I have gone to therapy, but every time, I hit a wall, usually when talking about one specific topic, and I can't progress any further. Or I get worse. So I stop going. I will say I fully recommend trying therapy if you haven't, but you have to really work at it. I put everything I had into my sessions, and eventually it stopped helping, but that's ok, too.

I learned coping techniques. They are different for everyone, but the main idea is to find something you love, that gets you out of your head. For me, that changes daily. Some days I like to read, others I hula hoop, or dance, and others I write. The point is to lose yourself in something other than your own head.

Don't be afraid to talk to someone about your problems. PLEASE. Especially if you have suicidal thoughts. There are hotlines with people just waiting to help you. Use them. One thing I don't recommend is to post to social media, because someone will always say something stupid and make you feel worse. 

Last tip: don't be alone. I know sometimes that is all you want to do, but don't. Get out, go do something social. This can be hard, I know, because I have social anxiety. (I wasn't always like that, I used to be very outgoing, but it developed while I was a stay at home mom and still hasn't gone away fully.) Awkward thought: my mind goes straight to bowling. If you are alone it really isn't that social, but that was my night life growing up. My dad was on a team, so I was there every weekend, and made tons of friends, some of whom I still talk to. 

In closing, don't beat yourself up too bad. You aren't the only one going through this, you aren't alone. All you have to do is reach out.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Go me! I am making moves... in the wrong damn direction. Here are the steps I took:



1. I quit Avon in January because I got a great new job, with good pay and benefits.

2. I got settled in at the new job, liked the people, enjoyed the work, etc.

3. Company goes bankrupt after 2 months of me being there, and my store is going to close.

4. I get hired at a company, doing the same thing I had done for 4 years, at a pay decrease.



Ok, so I'm really not complaining. I am happy to have a job, and am lucky it's something I know. I just feel like I'm starting all over again, and have to prove myself all over again. And that's exhausting, especially when you factor in social anxiety and low self esteem.



My hope is that this gets me closer to my goals: being financially stable, becoming a doula (doing online courses to get certified), move into a better home. I am terrified. I know the company I'm moving to will be around for a while, but the fact that a well-known company that was actually making sales could just shut down instantly shook me a bit.



I guess that's it for this post... I sorta ran out of steam... And words. Keep an eye out for another post soon, possibly about a new business venture!  (Hint: it's nerdy.)