How Times Have Changed

My whole world was turned on its head a few months ago. And I have never been happier.

I left a bad situation. I am not thrilled that I let it go on for so long. But I am out, and my girls are safe. It is going to be a while before we are fully healed and moved on, but it's a start.

I am taking control of my life for the first time in a long time. I bought a car, I have set a budget that I have been sticking to, I have been making my own decisions and rules for my life.

I have a great man in my life. I refuse to hear bad things said about him, because he is amazing and I truly don't deserve him. He brings me peace, and I hope I bring him happiness in return.

I left my management position for a receptionist job. I am so glad I did. This job is everything I could ever dream of, and I love it more than I thought I would.

I found my word. RISE. And once I found it, that is what I have been striving to do. Rise above the obstacles, the pain, the past. I have it posted on everything I look at during the day as a constant reminder. And in doing so, I have been so much healthier.

So now, advice. 

Do the scary thing, to take care of yourself. Even if it seems like it's impossible, that it's such a HUGE undertaking, try. Take small steps. You will be amazed how far you can get with one step at a time.

Find your word. If you need help, or a reminder, go to myintent.org. One word can make such a difference in your life. 

Finally, look around you and find your tribe. I have always believed that I can choose who belongs in my family, and lately that has been proven in astounding ways. Open yourself up, to love, to friendship, to everything you could possibly want if you just let yourself have it.

Good luck to you, and have a great day!

101 In 1001: Watch 26 Movies I've Never Seen

 This challenge should be fun.

The goal is to watch 26 movies I have never seen, starting with each letter of the alphabet. For this, I am going to post which movie I have chosen, when I watch it, and what I thought.

**Movies may change depending on what gets watched first, availability, etc.**

• A- America's Sweethearts: watched; stayed up til 1am to finish it haha
• B- Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
• C- Casablanca
• D- Dangerous Liasons or Doctor Sleep
• E- East of Eden
• F- Five Year Engagement
• G- Germany Year Zero or Get A Job
• H- Howl's Moving Castle or High Fidelity
• I- I Married A Witch
• J- Jacob's Ladder or Jojo Rabbit
• K- The Kid (Charlie Chaplin)
• L- Lars and the Real Girl or The Last Kiss
• M- Malcolm X or Margaret
• N- Nausicaa
• O- One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest
• P- The Pallbearer or A Patch of Blue
• Q- Quadrophenia
• R- Real Women Have Curves
• S- Safe House or Singin' In The Rain
• T- That Hamilton Woman or A Time to Kill
• U- Untamed Heart or Unpregnant
• V- Viva Las Vegas
• W- Walk of Shame or White Oleander
• X- X-Men Dark Phoenix
• Y- Yellow Brick Road
• Z- Zodiac

101 In 1001: Read a new book each month.

 So, first of all, I did sort of fall off a bit on this one. I didn't document everything I read in 2020, which was way more than the few books I am listing. I am picking this up again as of February 2021, and will be updating monthly, or as I complete each book.

    2020 books

• Post Apocalyptic Nomadic Warrior: Duck and Run: I really liked this book. It was creative and not your average "Zombie Apocalypse" book. I will be continuing the series. Side note: for some reason every time I see this title, my mind starts singing "Have Gun Will Travel".
• Eat Pray Love: It took me way too long to finish this book. I actually really liked it. I have also watched the movie, and it is actually at the point where I am unsure which I like more. It inspired me to continue my spiritual journey in every way possible.
• Land of Stories books 1-3: This series is surprising. The author is Kurt from Glee, and I LOVE it. It is not a re-imagining of the fairy tales you know, as much as it is a continuation after "Happily Ever After" with two kids plunked in the middle. The only reason I stopped after book 3 is because I am not ready for whatever trauma is about to happen lol.
• Alice In Zombieland Series books 1-3: Again, a great series that I stopped because I am not ready for the trauma haha. I accidentally read the book jacket of the book after next, and I stalled out halfway through book 4. I went into this series thinking it was going to be like Pride & Prejudice & Zombies.... which I have not actually read but did see the movie. It is NOTHING like it. Some of the symbolism from Wonderland is there, but not the story itself. Would have been cool, but still a really good series.

    2021 Books

• January: Julie and Julia: where the heck did I put this book....
• February: The Compound Effect: This book is the start of my self-improvement kick. I have started reading more personal growth books, listening to podcasts, signed up for Success Magazine... The writer of this book is a former publisher at Success. This book focuses on how small change can and will snowball into something huge. Great book.
• February: The ONE Thing: In progress
• February: Spilled Milk: I literally read this in one day. Based on a true story, the author conveys a story of an abuse victim, and the aftermath of her finally telling someone. It is well written, and will make you feel all the feels. Amazing. I highly recommend, especially because it shows that you can't just look at someone and know they are suffering.
• February: Lost Girls: An okay suspense book, though I hesitate to categorize it as that. There were some amazing parts. But I feel that some things could have been fleshed out a little more, changed since there were so many of the same scenarios. I did make it through it, which is a big indicator that it is interesting (If it doesn't grab me within the first chapter I never go back).
• February: Someone Tell Aunt Tillie She's Dead: OBSESSED. This is a funny book, and crazy. It is a fiction book about a witch that inherits what is essentially a haunted house. But it is way more than that and I am excited to power through the whole series.
• March: Someone Tell Aunt Tillie We're In Trouble: Again, great book. This one is about the main character's best friend causing all sorts of trouble with a toad bone. Already bought the next book.
• March: Someone Tell Aunt Tillie We're Canning Demons: NOOOOOO! I powered through the whole series in days. I read Someone Tell Aunt Tillie We're Kidnapping Cupid as well. So good. There is another book to be released and I can't freaking wait.
• March: Amethyst Witch: Well I spiraled into a Witch genre binge. This book is the first of the Stacy Justice series, and it was really good. Didn't focus so much on witchiness, but it was a pretty good "mystery" book. This was written by an author who collab'd with the writer of Tillie, so I had to check it out. Not disappointed.
• March: Summer Magic: Good book. Paranormal (witch) romance. First in a series that I can't wait to dive into. I will say, they use the word sister sooooo much. But otherwise it is great. Deals with a witch family dealing with love, drama, and family.
• March: The Faerie Guardian: Pretty good book, but a lot of cliffhangers that are apparently being touched on in the sequel. There's not really too much to say about it. It was good, but one of those that isn't easy to recall later.
• March: Opal Fire: A pretty good sequel to Amethyst Witch. More witchiness, way more mystery. And a huge twist at the end. Probably going to wait a little bit to read the next installment though.
• March: Beneath The Attic: This is a prequel to Flowers In The Attic. I feel like maybe I have read this before, because it feels so familiar to me. I love V.C. Andrews, and all of her series. 
• March: Always Room For Cupcakes:This book was fun! Mildly raunchy, definitely crazy. It's about a woman who is working as a photographer for a PI, who gets herself into all sorts of trouble.
• March: Autumn Magic: Sequel to Summer Magic. I am loving this series. It is funny, and also moved me to tears. This one doesn't use the word sister as much. Also this series is marked 18+ due to sexual content. The first four books deal with each sister's love life, as well as their quest to save their mother.
• March: Winter Magic: I read this one in the matter of hours. Hilarious, but also with some stomach-dropping moments. Already started on the next one. HIGHLY RECOMMEND.
• March: Spring Magic: This one broke my soul. All of the other books were good, but this one is so much MORE. I cried a few times, because it makes you feel so much.
• April: Girl, Wash Your Face: In progress
• April: Update: I am up to book 8 of the Thorne series (Summer Magic and it's sequels). Still really good; however I now have no idea where the books are leading as a few of the main plotlines have been concluded.
• December: Whoops, fell behind. I am tunneling through Berkley Street, book One. Amazing so far!

50 Questions To Open Your Mind

 

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? I'd probably be 25, as I still think I am 25 in my mind... I'm actually 34.
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? Never trying. When you fail, you learn. If you never try, you always wonder.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? Social pressures.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? I hope not... So far I think it's pretty even.
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? I wish people would hate less and care more.
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Hmm. I mean, I like the job I do right now (reception-y type person). However, I'd probably do something with books or animals.
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? I was definitely settling a few months ago. However, I feel like I'm on the right path now.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? I wouldn't spend so much time in unhappy settings.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? Oh geez. I think its torn in half. There were times I was in full control (like now) and times I was being controlled.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? As a mom, I think I definitely worry about doing the right things. And now that I am in a healthy, loving relationship, that is a big worry. I have made so many mistakes in the past.
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? Get up and leave. It isn't worth my time to fight with them, I wouldn't change their minds. However, they no longer would have my respect and I refuse to sit there and deal with that.
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Don't worry about other people; do what makes you happy.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? Absolutely. Without question.
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? No. As an artistic thinker, I usually see just creativity.
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? I handle stress differently. I tend to freeze and cry for like 10 minutes, then tackle it full force.
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? Because everyone is different and likes different things?
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back? I want to visit Greece and New Orleans.... and I haven't gone because of money and time constraints. One day I will.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Not lately. A few months ago the answer was yes. I was holding so tight to something making my family miserable, all because I thought it was the right thing to do.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? Greece. Or Pennsylvania. Both for the same reason: I find them beautiful.
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? Yes I do, but it's not a speed thing. I like pushing buttons.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? Joyful simpleton. I'm tired of being worried constantly, I need a break lol.
22. Why are you, you? I am a mixture of both of my parents. I grew up wild and carefree, but at some point I lost myself to worry. And now I am trying to get it back so my daughters are shown what happy looks like.
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? For the most part yes. There were bits of time when someone has swayed me from that. But my friends know who I am, and know why I would act differently at some points.
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Definitely the latter. You can always stay in touch and visit someone if you love them enough. But to lose touch with someone close by means that your friendship wasn't important to either one or both of you and that is sad.
25. What are you most grateful for? My kids and my chosen family. They make me happy and get me through the tough times.
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? That is an impossible question. If I lost my old ones, I would lose so many of people I no longer have, ones who helped shape me into who I am. However, if I could never make new ones, I'd miss out on all the future memories with my kids, and my boyfriend, and all the amazing things to come.
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? I want to say no.... but isn't that what faith is? The absolute knowledge that something is true, even when you have no way of proving it?
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? No. Thank the gods... I have been through incredible pain, but if my greatest fear came true I don't know how I would go on living. (I rarely even voice what it is, but you can probably guess.)
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? ...yes. Small upsets don't matter. Life brings you to where you are supposed to be. And I went through it all to reach this point. However, some of those big hurts affected my children, and right now they still feel it, so yes it matters.
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special? Weekend trips to visit family. So much has happened since then, and I don't talk to them as much, and we've lost so many along the way...
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? When I left the worst situation of my life. I felt so broken and lost. But I was so angry, so done with it, that I began moving and didn't stop til it was over. And it brought...peace.
32. If not now, then when? Well, lately I have been living in the now and doing as much as I can. However, my big dreams are waiting until my kids are a little older, or at least we aren't in a state of flux.
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? Depends on what it is. I am reaching for a lot right now. However, if I reach too far, I could lose everything I hold dear. However, that in itself could be the start of something even greater, so who knows.
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? Not quite... but I will say that I can sit with my boyfriend and just BE and walk away at peace and stronger and fulfilled.
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Because they feel that someone has to be right, and it MUST be them. Which is why I say I am not religious, I am spiritual.
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? Definitely not. I feel that some things are not strictly good or evil. Just like people can be good but do bad things, or bad but do good things.
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? No. I love my job. I would definitely keep it, at least for a little while. 
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? More work that I enjoy doing. Like I said, I love my job... but I get it done so quick that I wish there was more lol.
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? Not this day... But there have definitely been times like that. Where I didn't even want to get out of bed because I knew it was going to be more of the same.
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? About a month ago. I normally don't. I need to KNOW. But I broke, and I had to go and believe that it would all be okay if I just kept going.
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? This is a terrible question. I would visit my 2 best friends for a bit, and then gather my dad, my daughters, and my boyfriend at night.
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? Nope. I do not care about that stuff. The people that love me already think I'm beautiful, and famous isn't worth it.
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Being alive is just going through life. Truly living is doing what makes you happy, taking risks, enjoying it.
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? As much as you can, as soon as you can.
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? I think it is human nature to be afraid to fail and let others down. It is perceived guilt for something that actually makes us better.
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Pfft. I don't really care what people think of me. Although.... I think I'd day drink more lol.
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? Last night. I have a snoring problem and was trying out nasal strips and I was very conscious of how quiet it was.
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? I love my family. I love my job. And I try to express those loves in words, gifts and actions as much as possible.
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that? Not really. I will most likely remember the feelings... which is bliss.
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? I am making my own decisions for the first time in a long time. Not the little ones like "where do you want to eat" cuz I suck at that. But the big ones, yeah.