Chasing Chase

Every year around this time, I start thinking about the past and all the little things that led me to where I am today. One of those things is Chase.

Chase was born shortly after midnight on January 1st, 2009. Even though I wasn't there for it, I stayed awake and knew as soon as he was born. It's sad that I remember this, since I only met him once when he was a few months old.

So why do I remember his birth? It's because his birthday was at a pivotal moment in my life. A few weeks before, I had told my husband I wanted a divorce. I had my "dream job" (or at least the job I had been training for my whole life). I was asserting some form of independence for the first time in my adult life. Sad since I was 23.

I feel like everything after Chase's birthdate was a new life for me. Since then, I got into a motorcycle accident, been in numerous relationships, had a few jobs, went to college, had a baby, met new people, and lost a few people, too.

I look back on this time and realize how much my life has changed. I look different, think different, act different. And since I am a nostalgic person, I look back and miss all the incarnations of myself. I also miss the person I thought I would become. I thought I would be married once, never divorced, have 3 kids, live in a nice house in the country, be a hip stay at home mom, and maybe have an animal rescue. Wow, dream big, right? Reality: I am divorced, engaged, mother of 2, live in an apartment in a not-so-nice town, and even though I am a stay at home mom, I am far from hip. (To be fair, I definitely had a hip phase, but it's way too much work right now.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I wouldn't trade the experiences I have had for anything. It all led me to this point, where I have an amazing family and I've grown into myself as a pretty cool person. (Trust me, I'm awesome.) But, every year, I will most likely think of my past, and the moment I started chasing Chase.

Life Is Short

 

 

I have all the time in the world... yet I don't.

 

 

Confused? I'll explain.

I am a stay at home mom. My days are filled with diapers, feedings, and cleaning. While it is a lot of work, it also leaves me with tons of free time.

However, as morbid as it sounds, we all have a shelf life. Eventually, we all go into that good night, whether it be gently or raving like a lunatic. (If you don't understand the reference, the poem is included at the end of this post.) And when you have so much time on your hands, you sometimes think about the end of it all.

I watch a decent amount of television. While most of it is children's shows, sometimes I get into a show or movie that makes me ponder the unknown. Today was a mixture of the movie Interstellar and the old show Beverly Hills 90210. Weird combo, right? Interstellar is a movie about the possible extinction of the human race (definitely worth a watch if you haven't seen it, BTW), so it's obvious why I think about the end of time after viewing. 90210 seems random, but I have reached the college years, where there is death, drugs, AIDS, and all sorts of other heavy stuff.

When you think of mortality, especially your own, you look back on your life and tend to dwell on mistakes and things you HAVE NOT DONE. That is a normal process. I think about all the horrible things I have done, even though I try so hard to be a good person. I think about how things would be different if I had made even one choice instead of another.

This is crap, and torture. You can't change the past, only the future. What's more, life is too short to beat yourself up about your regrets. You learn from the past, you don't let it root you.

Life is too short to do any of the following: let someone else control you, dwell so much about the "what ifs" that you become frozen, get stuck in a job you hate, or not follow your passions. Life is too short to stop learning. I'll reiterate this point: NEVER stop learning. Life is too short to not believe in yourself, or to let others bring you down.

One fact that reminds me that life is short: I graduated high school in 2005. Within that small window of time, my daughter turned 10. I got married and divorced. I had another baby. And at least 5 people from my class are dead. In 2009, I was in a motorcycle accident; luckily I was not hurt. Two days later, my friend died in a motorcycle accident on the same road I was on. Two people died due to violent attacks, two from illness.

You don't know what's going to happen from one moment to the next. Try to spend your life living in the moment as much as you can.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieve it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

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Worth It Wednesday/ Thanksgiving Gift

As I write this, I am playing with my baby and watching the Dawson's Creek series finale. And it made me realize that today's post needs to be special. Worth It Wednesday for the past few weeks has been about gifts and giving that you can pay for. Today's gift is not something money can buy:

TIME.

If you haven't seen the finale, I won't ruin it for you (even though you probably should watch it since it's been over for years). But, the main point is that we are never giving enough time, and you never know when it will run out, so make the most of it.

I live this way with my daughter. With my eldest, I missed so much because I was working all the time. And when I wasn't working, there wasn't much time to sit back and savor the moments. Eventually I learned to create special moments with her, and to give more time to making memories, even if it meant making a little less money sometimes. (I was blessed with an understanding boss, and had earned a few extra days off after working so hard and long.) I got to be a chaperone for a few school trips, and even went to my daughter's field day, where she hula hooped for a minute during a relay race. (So proud.)

I am now lucky enough to be a stay at home mom. My significant other works so hard, and I appreciate it. I have seen my daughter crawl, heard her first word, and got bitten by her first tooth. There are days when I get nothing done, and I know that's okay, because I am making memories with her. Even if she doesn't remember, I can tell her I was there.

Since she was born, my 10 year old spends Thanksgiving or Christmas with her father's family. This year, it will be a lot different for her. Her grandparents passed away in the past year, a few months apart. I wish I could be there to take the sting out of it, because I know it's going to hurt her a lot.

Tomorrow is a day for family. You will go to someone's house, maybe bring a dish to share, and gather around a table to eat. But, don't forget to spend time and make memories. You never know how many more moments you will have with the people you love. Give the gift of love and time, because in the end, that is all that really matters.

Happy Thanksgiving, and love to you all.

Kicking Soda: Day 1

I have a soda addiction. I know it's bad for me, and I tell myself not to drink it. But, when anyone in my household goes to the store for drinks, that is usually what they come back with. To be fair, it's always on sale, and way cheaper than juices that are available in our immediate area. For someone on a budget, this is the "smart" choice... except it's not. (<<<<Click the link for health issues caused by soda.) Another reason it's not a smart choice: if it is all you drink, you go through it way faster, leading you to spend more money. I have noticed we can go through at least four 2-liter bottles in not even two days, but if we drink water, we drink way less.

So, I have decided to make the smarter choice and cut out soda completely. So far today, I had a few small swigs (because I had no willpower and barely any energy). However, there is now NO SODA IN THE HOUSE. No one else is home, and I have no means to get more. Perfect. This forces me to drink water and teas. I have some great flavor choices of tea from when I stopped drinking soda before, so that will help.

(Horrible picture editing on my part. Oh well.)

 

 

Why is this so important to me? I had gestational diabetes. (For those who don't know, this is diabetes specific to pregnancies. I was borderline with my first child, and was diagnosed with my second. It sucked, I was put on a special diet and had to test my blood 4 times a day. Luckily, I didn't need medicine, and it went away after birth.) The problem with having gestational diabetes is that it increases your risk of getting Type 2 diabetes after pregnancy. (According to this WebMD article based on a study done in 2008, about 19% of women who had gestational diabetes develop Type 2 diabetes within 9 years.) I would prefer to never test my blood ever again, and not be on a restrictive diet. Also, I hated the way I felt. I never had any energy, I felt horribly ill when my levels were off, and because my diet was pretty strict, I felt out of control of my own life. (I had to eat 8 times a day, and everything needed to be portioned. If I had an extra cup of milk, I felt sick.)

 

Why is this going to be hard? Caffeine dependency is an addiction. If you have had any experience with addiction, you know it's hard to kick. You go through the same processes as someone trying to quit drugs, cigarettes, or alcohol, just on a different, less scary level. (I'm not trying to compare myself to, nor minimize, someone withdrawing from more serious dependencies. I have had people in my life go through each of those addictions, and it is painful to watch.) You can experience headaches, nausea, mood swings, dizziness, sweats, and more while withdrawing from caffeine (and sugar). I usually get hit with headaches, nausea, crabbiness, and exhaustion.

 

If you decide to kick soda with me, please be careful. It can be painful, especially if you have been drinking soda numerous times a week for years like I have. If you want, you can wean yourself off gradually. I would love to do that, however I never make it through (it takes 21 days to develop a new habit, or break an old one). The easiest way for me is to just stop.

 

What are the options? To replace soda, you are not limited to just plain water. My favorite thing to do is add frozen fruit to my water instead of ice cubes. As it softens, more flavor gets released. I also add cucumber slices. So refreshing!

 

For more flavor, you can add a little bit of fruit juice. If you don't like flat water, you can use sparkling water. A great way to make a "fake soda" is to use a few squirts of flavored syrups in a sparkling/mineral water (Torani has amazing flavors as well as sugar-free options. The sugar-free flavors do have Splenda in them, which isn't the healthiest option, and has side effects of its own.)

 

Another great option for the colder months is tea! There are so many options, from black to green to detox and more. I love Celestial Seasonings Natural Detox, which sadly does not seem to be available on their site. I make it hot and iced. If you need your tea a little sweet, you can add sugar, or honey! (Tip: you can steep a few bags in a large pot of water to make pitchers of iced tea. Steep for a few hours and allow to cool. Also, you can steep tea bags in cold water, you just have to let it sit for a longer amount of time.)

 

In two weeks, I will be updating on my progress, and what I've been doing to make the transition easier. Please comment if you decide to detox with me, so we can continue the journey together.

 

See you Wednesday for Worth It Wednesday!!

 

 



Worth It Wednesday: Black Friday Sales

This is going to be a quick post today.

I was thinking about how many people go Black Friday shopping each year, and how much work can go into it. You have to look at ads, plan out where you are going, what you are getting, and when. It's a lot, especially when some stores have certain sales at specific times. Last year, we went to BJ's, Kohls, Target, Walmart, GameStop, and Best Buy. There may have been more, but it was a blur. We were out from around 8pm Thanksgiving night to 3am Black Friday, and then we went to visit family for the weekend. (I will say, I do not like going shopping on Thanksgiving. I feel that people in retail positions should have off to spend time with family. I was with other people last year, so it was out of my control.)

This year, I went searching for a list of stores that are having sales, and I found a great one! This Black Friday site tells you the stores that are having sales, what time the sale starts, and what items are discounted. They also show Cyber Monday deals and which stores are closed on Thanksgiving so you don't waste a trip!

Please be careful if you partake in Black Friday shopping. People turn into jerks when big sales are involved. I was almost run over by a cart at least 4 times, even while I was pregnant and holding a giant box (I was pretty hard not to notice). Also, there are inconsiderate people on the road, so be aware of your surroundings. Your life is more important than any sale! Good luck and happy shopping!

Worth It Wednesday: Giving to Receive!

I am so sorry, I realize I am way late posting, but I am so glad for this. Yesterday I discovered a great website that I wanted to share with you guys.

The holidays are about giving. Most people buy gifts and donate food to charities. However, I found a great place to give items you aren't using or don't need, and in return, you receive! Here's how it works:

Yerdle is like a giant online yard sale. When you sign up (using the link), you receive $35 "reusable cash" and free shipping on your first item. You can then use the money to buy items on the site. You can earn more by posting your items (this is where the giving part comes in). Because you cannot cash out the online currency, it gets reused over and over again (you can add money if you find an item but don't have enough for it). Also, you can gift money to friends.

Added bonus: when your friends sign up, you get $10 in your account. When the post their first item, you get another free shipping offer!

While you are shopping for loved ones this year, don't forget to declutter and make someone else's day!!!

Worth It Wednesday: Where To Get Original Gifts

I have been in a gift-giving rut. My father has always been hard to shop for. I know everything he likes, but mostly, he likes watching movies. He also likes coffee. So, for the past, umm, 6 years I have gotten him dvds and mugs. Granted, they are cool, like Harry Potter mugs and old school movies, but it's a pattern. I thought that I was branching out by getting him coffee beans by Joey Kramer, but that also included a mug. Ugh.

This year, I started way early, and still almost fell into my rut. I managed to stop myself, and I have plenty of time to figure it out. But, I do know where I am going: Etsy. If you haven't heard about this amazing site yet, it's a marketplace for unique, mostly handmade gifts. Usually I go on there for baby stuff, but this time I figured looking for something my father would like was worth a shot. My dad has been on a Star Trek kick, so I started there. And ended there... because there is so much amazing stuff! I found uniforms, pillows, plates, and an amazing desk lamp. I am torn between a few options, but I do know that he will not be getting a mug this year.

If you are stuck trying to find a gift for a loved one, check Etsy out. I have found some really great things on there (like Walking Dead Converse, which combines two things I love!)

Holiday Recipe: Spinach Cheese Puffs

Quick Disclaimer: I do not have this recipe written down. Anywhere. So I don't have exact measurements or cooking times. But I feel this is a great simple recipe and want to share it.

I made these amazing appetizers for a dinner party one night. I was short on time, wanted something super simple, and didn't cost a lot of money to make. This is what I came up with.

Spinach Cheese Puffs

Ingredients

-fresh baby spinach (I usually use about 1/2 cup once it's diced)
-a container of herbed spreadable cheese (i.e. Laughing Cow)
-puff pastry sheets


Directions

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Grease a baking sheet and set aside. Dice baby spinach. Stir into cheese. Put puff pastry onto a lightly floured counter. Roll out until it is a 12 inch square. Cut into 3 inch squares. Put a spoonful of mixture in center of each square. Gather corners and twist into a little satchel. Place on baking sheet about 2 inches apart. Bake until golden brown.



Like I said, super easy, and super tasty! Enjoy!

Worth It Wednesday: Nerd Edition!!!!

OMG! It's Back To The Future Day! As a nerd, this excites and horrifies me. It makes me feel so old, because my first time watching the movies, I felt like today was so far away, and now IT'S HERE!

In honor of today, today's post is going to focus on gifts for the nerds in your life. As a goth/hippy/nerd, I know it is hard sometimes to shop for us weirdos. So let me offer some assistance with a few awesome-sauce ideas.

Nerd Block

This is a really cool service. Nerd Block is a subscription service (like Julep, BirchBox, etc.). Unlike these, you get, not beauty products, but collectables! You choose a category, like arcade or girls jr., and they send you a box each month. It costs $14-$20 depending on which package you choose. This is the gift that keeps on giving, and makes it super simple for you.

TeeFury

Before I start on this site, I must say: this is a great idea for more than just nerds. TeeFury is a clothing site. What makes them different is the designs on their shirts. They are created by independent artists, and they range from Disney to Walking Dead. There are mash-up designs, and even the ones that focus on one subject are wild. You will be hard-pressed to find something this original in stores.

Every day they offer a daily special, which is $11. After the time period for the daily design, it goes into the shop, which ranges from $17-$50. If you want $5 off your first order, click here.


Perpetual Kid

Finally, I acknowledge that not all nerds are sci-fi loving gamers. Some are the goofy, in-touch-with-their-inner-child types. Perpetual Kid is perfect for them. I ran across this site when I was maybe 20 (I can't remember exactly, it was that long ago, lol). I love this site so much! It's got so much crazy stuff that my head spins, in a good way of course.

Because they have such a wide array of gifts, I can't really cover all of the categories. A few that I think are awesome are mood nail polish, a hugging T-Rex ring, and a solar system necklace. Obviously those are really girly, but there are tons of options for guys as well as kids (including babies).

Another good thing about buying from this site is they offer 10% off your first order when you use that link, and they have a rewards program that you can use towards more coupons!


I hope that this helps you shop for your nerdy loved ones. Please comment with your favorite finds!