Into The Unknown

I decided to quit.

I have been at my company for over a year, and before that, I was at a competitor for 4 years. I know my job by heart. But, lately, I have been unhappy. I looked into leaving a few months ago, but I was promised a few things that kept me here. I'm just worn out, and I need a change.


I got a new job, in technically the same industry, but a completely different aspect. I'm excited, but terrified! OMG, I have a desk job. I haven't had one of those in forever. I'm in a Monday through Friday gig. Like, what do I do about this?!?!


This is a great thing for myself and my family. I no longer have to worry about scheduling trips for the weekends and requesting off and praying I get approved. I will have a set schedule, and I can actually enjoy weekends with my children! I'll still have my overnight job (I love it there, and the benefits are phenomenal, I'm never leaving LOL). But, I feel free. I'll still be working the same amount of time, but I feel like I have so much more now. I feel peaceful for the first time in I don't even know how long.


You know what I did last week? I made a list of events happening in my area that I would like to go to, all of which are on Saturdays. And guess what? I CAN GO TO THEM!!!!!!


Next week starts the rest of my life, in a new career, with a new path. I am thrilled to go into the unknown, even when it's scary for me. My question is, CAN YOU SAY THE SAME? Are you on the path you should be on, or are you stuck standing still because you are scared?

Don't stop moving when it's scary, because the other side could be the greatest thing to ever happen to you.

Outside Is Life

I work all day. That's not so bad... ok that's a lie.

First, let me start by saying, I like my job. I love the people I work with. We are a family, and I see them more than my real family on some days. However. I work in a giant dusty warehouse with no windows. Half the time I get surprised by the weather when I open the door. This is what kills me.

I crave the outdoors. I have always been a wild child. When I was little, you couldn't keep shoes on me, and I was outside pretty much all day. My neighborhood was full of wonder and I explored every inch of it. I even go back there when I feel lost and can't find my way back to myself.

The wild child is still inside me, screaming for sunlight and fresh air. I stand at the bay doors and drink it in, only for the doors to be shut with me inside. It's like a prison for my soul. 😔

Yesterday, I was gifted something that made the wild child in me sing with joy.... which says a lot considering I disliked this when I was younger. I was given two houseplants!!! I know, how lame is it that I am soooo excited. But, having these plants is like having nature right there with me, even when I'm inside. Obviously I took them home, because they would either die or get thrown away. I managed to marry a vampire (he hates letting the sun into the house, lol) so my place is always dark and dreary. Luckily, these little green things need low light. Yay!

I can't even describe how much joy I felt this morning coming into the kitchen to see LIFE. Especially in this era where we destroy wildlife to make vacant houses, we need plants more than ever. Hopefully the little guys thrive and grow and give joy to my whole household for years to come.

I love Harley.

Oops. I logged on only to notice it's been over 5 months since I posted! Geez. Time flies.

So today I decided that once a week, even if I have nothing to say, I will post something. ANYTHING.

Today's post is about my favorite comic book character, and my cosplay that eventually will be complete: Harley Quinn. I must say, as much as I loved the Suicide Squad version (probably because she spoke to my inner psycho), I love the video game version the best.

(I know, terrible image quality)

 

 

 



This is what I am basing my cosplay on, with a few changes. Black and red split jeans, a corset with red and black skulls, and black motorcycle boots. Also My hair will be half black, half red, no blonde. I doubt I'll do a painted face, maybe heavy eyeliner and smeared lips.

The plan this year was to be Batman villians as a family costume, but we are just doing the kids since we want to save money. However, NO JOKER. Don't get me wrong, he is in my mind the greatest Batman villain, but I don't like the idea of having that turn into a couples costume. They are a horrible couple. If you think they are great, you need to do your research, and I am refraining from badmouthing you right now, LOL. So, Lance decided to be Bane. Honestly, it fits his body type better anyway. Maybe next year we will actually be able to do it.

We went to Spirit Halloween to find stuff for Emily's costume (Poison Ivy, which is harder than I thought for a teen, unless you don't mind sexualizing... I do.) As we were walking out, we scored something awesome! My best friend introduced us to silicone ice molds (I had the sphere ones before, but these are so cool, pun somewhat intended.)

 

 

I also want to state that I didn't jump on the bandwagon after Suicide Squad. I wanted to be Harley a long time ago, but was really unhappy with the outfit choices (the full comic outfit shown in the above picture, or a harlequin outfit, which my friend wore and told me she was Harley and I wanted to smack her.) Now I have the opportunity to build my own the way I want, and I'm really excited. I saw my friend evolve into Wonder Woman, and then Catwoman, and it's amazing.

 

Ok, that's it for now! If you are friends with me on Facebook, keep an eye out for the girls' finished costumes. Also, when I finally get mine done I will definitely post an update on here! Have a wonderful week!

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Hopefully, this will be uplifting and not depressing. Here goes!

I am clinically depressed. I know this. I go through periods when I think I'm not because I feel better, but the downward spiral always comes. I am not on medication, but I have been before and eventually may have to try them again.

My journey was long and hard to get where I am today, and it is definitely not over. I have faced abandonment and abuse over the years, from various people. I find it hard to trust; adversely, I choose to trust everyone until they hurt me. Maybe not the best decision, but it is what fits my personality. I love everyone equally until they either screw me over or make me love them more. I choose to see the good in people... the only exception is myself.

Most days, I see myself through dark eyes. I feel ugly, and stupid, and generally not good enough. In my mind, it's like the battle of good and evil. I know none of these things are really true, but the devil inside screams really loud sometimes.

It is 1000% okay to feel this way. I want everyone to know this, and see it as fact. 

YOU AREN'T DAMAGED. 

I choose to look at it (when I'm actually ok) as me having a little extra crazy. I don't view craziness as a bad thing, because honestly, who wants to be normal? It's boring. 

I have gone to therapy, but every time, I hit a wall, usually when talking about one specific topic, and I can't progress any further. Or I get worse. So I stop going. I will say I fully recommend trying therapy if you haven't, but you have to really work at it. I put everything I had into my sessions, and eventually it stopped helping, but that's ok, too.

I learned coping techniques. They are different for everyone, but the main idea is to find something you love, that gets you out of your head. For me, that changes daily. Some days I like to read, others I hula hoop, or dance, and others I write. The point is to lose yourself in something other than your own head.

Don't be afraid to talk to someone about your problems. PLEASE. Especially if you have suicidal thoughts. There are hotlines with people just waiting to help you. Use them. One thing I don't recommend is to post to social media, because someone will always say something stupid and make you feel worse. 

Last tip: don't be alone. I know sometimes that is all you want to do, but don't. Get out, go do something social. This can be hard, I know, because I have social anxiety. (I wasn't always like that, I used to be very outgoing, but it developed while I was a stay at home mom and still hasn't gone away fully.) Awkward thought: my mind goes straight to bowling. If you are alone it really isn't that social, but that was my night life growing up. My dad was on a team, so I was there every weekend, and made tons of friends, some of whom I still talk to. 

In closing, don't beat yourself up too bad. You aren't the only one going through this, you aren't alone. All you have to do is reach out.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Go me! I am making moves... in the wrong damn direction. Here are the steps I took:



1. I quit Avon in January because I got a great new job, with good pay and benefits.

2. I got settled in at the new job, liked the people, enjoyed the work, etc.

3. Company goes bankrupt after 2 months of me being there, and my store is going to close.

4. I get hired at a company, doing the same thing I had done for 4 years, at a pay decrease.



Ok, so I'm really not complaining. I am happy to have a job, and am lucky it's something I know. I just feel like I'm starting all over again, and have to prove myself all over again. And that's exhausting, especially when you factor in social anxiety and low self esteem.



My hope is that this gets me closer to my goals: being financially stable, becoming a doula (doing online courses to get certified), move into a better home. I am terrified. I know the company I'm moving to will be around for a while, but the fact that a well-known company that was actually making sales could just shut down instantly shook me a bit.



I guess that's it for this post... I sorta ran out of steam... And words. Keep an eye out for another post soon, possibly about a new business venture!  (Hint: it's nerdy.)

New Year "Resolutions"

I hate resolutions. I feel like any time I make a list of resolutions for the new year, I fail miserably. So I set a list of goals, as well as how I can achieve them. If you don't have a plan, you don't know where to start!

-Be able to hold a conversation in Greek. I swear, one day I will do this! I'm going to download an app as well as get at least one book, and choose a day to study.

-Save as much money as possible. We plan on moving into a new place around April, and with it will come added expenses. So this is especially important. I think the best course of action is to have at least $10 from each check go straight into a savings account, and to stop spending all of our change. Another good idea is to cut a daily expense out (like buying coffee at a shop) and putting that money aside instead. In my case it might end up being soda money (I am trying to quit it anyway, so saving that money is an added incentive!)

-Try a new recipe every month. I have actually started doing this already, but I want to keep it up. Today is crock pot steak and potatoes, and also homemade tortilla chips in an array of flavors.

-Work out at least 4 days a week. Ugh. I hate working out, but love the results. This is going to take a routine. I need to set an alarm on scheduled days, and just get the heck up and do it.

-Eat better. I have a bad habit of eating junk a lot. Or eating in excess. This results in me being 20 pounds over my target weight. Not good for my self esteem. So I need to really hunker down and limit myself and change my eating patterns. I need to get more healthy options (sauerkraut and homemade cucumber salad are already a staple in my fridge, but I need more.) I need to eat breakfast every day, even if it's a smoothie. And then, I have to remember to not eat 10 snacks right after.

-Write a book. This freaking goal. I got a great idea for a story a few weeks back, and now I'm sitting on it. I even told my writer friend about it, and they suggested we collaborate. Heck yes! Except I'm lazy, and more a proofreader than a writer. But, this story is so awesome, I must write it. So, my goal is to write 8-10 pages a week. I'm not sure how long I want it to be yet, either. Will it be a series? And boom, my head explodes.

So, I hope you have enjoyed my "resolutions". If you have trouble keeping to yours, I highly recommend reading PUSH by Chalene Johnson. It helps you not only set goals, but achieve them.

Eyeliner Review: Avon Glimmersticks vs CoverGirl Perfect Point Plus

I felt like doing something different, random, and a little weird today, so you get a review!!

I recently got my PinchMe box, which included eyeliner. Instead of just wearing it like a normal person, I decided to run an experiment. For a whole day, I'd wear the CoverGirl eyeliner on my left eye, and my favorite eyeliner on the right eye. Before I start, the CoverGirl is black, and the Glimmerstick is a metallicy purple, but for what I was testing, this works fine.

Both of these eyeliners are "self-sharpening", which basically means you twist them to get more out. First thing I noticed, the CoverGirl clicks so you get the right amount, but the Avon just... goes. However, you can also retract the Avon, which I like better.

The CoverGirl goes on very smooth and is highly pigmented, so you don't need much. The Glimmerstick needs a little more when you do your waterline, but my eyelid again didn't need much to show up. I used about the same amount on both eyes.

Here is where I have issues: longevity. This review was supposed to be after a full day of wear, but I didn't need that long. After a few hours of wear, I knew what I was going to tell you. The CoverGirl pissed me off. I noticed after about an hour that the CoverGirl had smudged onto my upper lid without me even touching it. A little later, I tapped my eye (I have itchy eyes, but when I wear makeup I try not to rub), and the black instantly smudged and got all over TWO of my fingers, not just the one I tapped with. Here's the fun part: I am sitting here RUBBING my right eye (the Glimmersticks one), and it ain't budging. To reiterate, I barely touched my left eye after hours of letting this stuff set, and it went buhbye crazy fast, yet the one with Avon on it is staying put like nobody's business. Below are pictures, both open and closed eyes, of when I first put it on and right before I sat down to write this.

Before anyone points out that I am biased because I sell Avon, just, NO. I will try out any makeup. I even have a budget black eyeliner, which I was hoping to replace with the CoverGirl. I love Avon, but I'm not an Avon-snob. I used Avon as a comparison, fully expecting them both to hold up around the same. Yeah, that obviously didn't happen.

Also, the CoverGirl has one of those little smudgy tools on the end of it. I understand that is to create a softer look, but I'd be afraid to use it after this experience. Personally, I like bold looks when it comes to my eye makeup, since I consider them my best feature.

Conclusion: I'll be sticking to my Avon Glimmerstick as my go-to eyeliner. (I was going to also link the shop for the CoverGirl as well, but like 85% of the reviews are 5 stars... from other PinchMe people, who are technically required to review the products they receive. The reviews I feel were honest all said it never dries. If you truly want to try it, you can find it in any drugstore.)



***Disclaimer: I was not compensated for this review. I received the CoverGirl eyeliner as a sample, and Avon sent me the Glimmerstick when I signed up as a rep.***

Best Recipe Book For The Holidays

I love to cook, bake... and collect cookbooks.  I've been collecting since I was a teen. It started when I "inherited" a doctor's collection after he died (reality: my mother was given a bunch of junk, and I claimed all the cooking items). Side note: if you ever come across a tiny whisk, get it. It makes creating personalized dips sooooo much easier. Anyway, he had a Winnie the Pooh cookbook, which I used a lot, and a full recipe index in two volumes. That is how I became obsessed with all things culinary.

So, the year after my eldest daughter was born, her grandparents gifted me my favorite cookbook: Favorite Brand Name: Old-Fashioned Holiday Recipes.

Why my favorite? It has something for EVERYONE. My two favorite recipes are Spinach Cheese Puffs and the Peppermint Ice Cream Pie (I shared a simplified version of the pie HERE, as well as the Puffs HERE). These two always run out first. At one point I made 5 different pies, including 2 of the ice cream pies, and I had leftovers of everything EXCEPT THOSE. Also, I made the puffs for a dinner party, and they were eaten before I was done reheating the main course! There's desserts, drinks, meat and cheese recipes, and so much more!

Sadly, my book got destroyed, and then lost (yes, I absolutely attempted to fix it, lol) but I am going to replace it after the holidays are over. I found it HERE at a discount. I highly recommend signing up for that site (thriftbooks.com), because they have so many books at a crazy low price.

I really hope you check this book out, you won't regret it! Keep an eye out in the next few days for my eyeliner review!!!!

Boss Life!

I quit my "9-5" (more like 7-6 lol) to be with my girls, and I'm so glad I did! I never would have had my own business, because I was always slaving for someone else, Now, I make my own hours, choose who I work with, and make my customers (as well as my family) happy. I don't have to check my schedule anymore, because I am my OWN BOSS!

I spent hundreds of dollars "hitching a ride" with one of my friends and her business. Guess what? I quit. Why? Because people don't want to hear a 20 year old talk about anti-aging products that cost $300 a set!! I had plenty of customers... buying a $26 body wash kit.

That is why I am in love with Avon. It's not just beauty products, although that is exactly how they started. Now, they offer SO MUCH MORE!! The baby loves Disney, and she has stolen my books screaming "Mickey!" because they have Disney (and Frozen lol) everything. My preteen loves all the scents of body wash and sprays, as well as some of the clothes. My husband loves the colognes and men's jewelry. And I love the clothes and candles.

Seriously, if you haven't looked lately, go to my store and check it out. If you are interested in buying, or if you want to find out how to join, please hit the "contact me" button on my site. I'm here to help!

Also, go like my Facebook page for some great deals going on this month, just in time for holiday shopping!!!

(Sorry for the weird background stuff today, I wrote this in a different program and it apparently did not translate well)

Holiday Bazaar/Giveaways! UPDATED

The Holiday Bazaar is now set up!

Event starts November 28th (Monday) and lasts for four days.

Every day there will be two vendors showcasing their products, and every morning TWO giveaways will be posted!

You can either go to the bazaar's page or my page to be invited.