I'm just so tired

 I am sorry that I have not kept up with my blogging about.... well, anything.

I have to be completely transparent here. I am tired.

This week, I am sick. But, even before that, exhaustion has settled into my bones. I try so hard to keep up with life, and right now, again, it crushes me. I know I will come out of it fine. But for right now, I'm tired and can't seem to fully wake up.

Not just physically. Emotionally as well. I feel like every time I make progress, there is someone there to grab my arm and try to pull me backwards. I have so much heavy stuff in my heart right now, things that I don't know how to fix, things that terrify me. I have zero motivation to do pretty much anything, because I am so weighed down.

The road to recovering from trauma is rarely straight-forward.

I realized today that I am holding on to so much, from the recent past, but also the not-so-recent. I heard an announcement for a concert I have gone to so many times, but it filled me with dread and anxiety. The last time I went was the start of the worst period of my life. And while the person I went with and I have since forgiven each other, it seems I have not forgiven myself. I'm not ready to go back yet.

I feel like I am missing a chunk of who I once was. I am working hard to find myself again, even though I have no drive to do so. I feel it is imperative to my healing process to figure that out.

Please bear with me during this time, as I may not be as consistent as I should be.

Happiness Is A time Of Day

Happy Daylight Savings! Oh wait, no, it's not happy. We lost an hour!!!

Yesterday, I spent all day baking. When I say all day, I don't mean a few hours here and there. I mean a full 8 hours! I went to bed sore and exhausted at 11pm (I had to take the hubby to work, otherwise I would have went to bed earlier.) Then, an hour of sleep was stolen from me, and I woke up sore and exhausted... Umm, forgive me, but what the crap?!

A cup of Almond Joy coffee later, I feel a little better. I got to watch the baby run around and laugh for an extra hour, and today I am taking the time to relax a little extra. As I do so, I will look at this day as a blessing. Even though we may wake up so tired, it only lasts for a day or two while we acclimate. But, we get a little more time to enjoy life and have fun. I saw a meme asking why they change the time in the middle of the weekend instead of on a weeknight. I think it is better this way. Most people don't work on Sundays, so we get one more hour to enjoy a day off! If we did it on a Thursday (or another weekday), we would be an hour closer to going back to work. Ugh.

So, today, look for the joy of your extra hour. Unless you "slept in". In that case, screw you, lol.

Have a wonderful Sunday!!!