Mistakes Were Made

Anyone who uses Facebook knows that there is a memories feature. It shows you what you posted on the same day in the past.

Lately, I have been hit with some doozies. It's easy to look back at your life and skim over glaringly obvious facts, and wonder why things didn't work out the way you wanted... until you have those facts show up in your own words from the past.

I won't get into specifics, but today, I saw work and relationships that are so far from where I am today. And, it's funny, but when I look back, I don't remember all those flaws in my life. I forget about the happy days where I loved my job, and the bad days where my ex-friends were giant jerks. I look back and always see myself miserable and worn out, or blaming myself for not talking to people anymore. In my head, I am always at fault for everything.

It's so easy to blame yourself for every tiny problem in the past. They say that hindsight is 20/20, but I find that that's a lie. Even knowing exactly where things went wrong doesn't stop me from seeing it way differently. As a person with bipolar disorder, it gets even worse when I hit a low point. I know my life is good, and I'm blessed to stay home and watch my baby grow up. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. But, if I'm depressed, it's far too easy to look back and kick myself for not being a better person. It's hard to remember the facts: that some of the people who used to be in my life didn't care about me as much as I did them, and made me miserable.

If you are the same way, try to remember that you aren't fully at fault for all of the "bad things" that have happened in your life. There are memories hat get glossed over to make things make sense. Also, the reverse: everything that has happened in your life is not someone else's fault. People can influence your life, but only so much. You are in control of yourself, and you can't blame other people for everything. Either way, try to see things clearly, and keep moving forward with the reality that you can't change your past, but you are always shaping your future. :)